Honor.

^{Proverbs 31:10} A capable, intelligent, and ^[b]virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

¹² She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her....

²⁶ She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

²⁷ She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],

^29 [c]Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

³⁰ Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!

These verses have always spoken to me. This is the kind of wife and mother I want to be. It all goes back to honor I think.

Do I show honor? Not nearly as much as I should. I constantly catch myself being disrespectful to my husband, my sweet husband who does not deserve it.

I've stuggled with anger for as long as I can remember. It's one of my biggest battles today. I lash out so easily at the ones I love the most.

Now that I'm pregnant with this sweet babe I think I'm more aware of my behavior more than i've ever been because I don't want my child to see me behaving this way and emulate the way I am. How can I teach my son or daughter to honor their daddy when they see me showing dishonor to my husband?

It has to stop. I won't settle for being this way.

If my God can perform miracles, heal the sick, and raise the dead then surely, surely he can heal me of my anger. He can show me how to be a honorable wife.

I don't think it's any coincidence that my Pastor has preached on honor the past two Sundays. I've felt very convicted and I know it's time to change. Even now it's hard for me to write this out because I don't want to look like a horrible wife, because that's how I feel alot of the time. I just felt it was important to write this out because I'm thinking this blog can keep me accountable.

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Heavenly Father,

I'm so tired of carrying this burden of anger around. I know that you can change me, Lord. I'm confident in that fact. I'm not giving up until I see a change in me-until I see breakthrough. You are the Lord of the breakthrough. Teach me, Lord. I want to be used by you! Please show me how to be an honorable wife and mother.

I love you Lord.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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I'm linking up with Shannon at Imperfectly Perfect Grace. http://imperfectlyperfectgrace.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-list-marriage-link-up.html