I was up the other morning at 5am. This has been a normal accurance for me lately. Anywho I was flipping through the channels filled with infomercials and kiddie shows when I saw that True Life was on MTV. Now I'm usually pretty careful about watching any show on MTV but SOMETIMES True Life can be pretty interesting. This morning's episode was one i've seen before-on the TV itself, and in my own life. Truelife:I'm addicted to food. It had been awhile since i'd seen this episode, since i'd felt that pain.
You see, I was always heavy growing up. Always. I never felt good enough for anyone around me. Not good enough for my friends, my sisters, and my parents. I felt betrayed by my own body, I hated myself for it. But my sadness and failure turned me back to food everytime. Food was my friend when I felt like I had none. Food was my comfort when my dad chose drugs over me and then went to prison for it.
By the time I was a Junior in high school I was in the obese category. My heart sank when I did that first BMI calculation, but I should have been expecting it. I tried and failed at so many diet plans because I just couldn't resist going back to what I knew.
If only I knew then what I know now. I was letting food take the place of God in my life. I didn't need my earthly dad to be my best friend because I had a heavenly daddy who wanted to comfort me, bless me, and be my best friend. I wish I could go back and tell myself that.
|Me at 16 with my niece, Alaina.|
I'm feeling pretty nostalgic today if you can't tell. :) Have a blessed weekend, friends!