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Saturday, April 6, 2013

5am Diaries

I was up the other morning at 5am. This has been a normal accurance for me lately. Anywho I was flipping through the channels filled with infomercials and kiddie shows when I saw that True Life was on MTV. Now I'm usually pretty careful about watching any show on MTV but SOMETIMES True Life can be pretty interesting. This morning's episode was one i've seen before-on the TV itself, and in my own life. Truelife:I'm addicted to food. It had been awhile since i'd seen this episode, since i'd felt that pain.
You see, I was always heavy growing up. Always. I never felt good enough for anyone around me. Not good enough for my friends, my sisters, and my parents. I felt betrayed by my own body, I hated myself for it. But my sadness and failure turned me back to food everytime. Food was my friend when I felt like I had none. Food was my comfort when my dad chose drugs over me and then went to prison for it.
By the time I was a Junior in high school I was in the obese category. My heart sank when I did that first BMI calculation, but I should have been expecting it. I tried and failed at so many diet plans because I just couldn't resist going back to what I knew.
If only I knew then what I know now. I was letting food take the place of God in my life. I didn't need my earthly dad to be my best friend because I had a heavenly daddy who wanted to comfort me, bless me, and be my best friend. I wish I could go back and tell myself that.
Me at 16 with my niece, Alaina.

I'm feeling pretty nostalgic today if you can't tell. :) Have a blessed weekend, friends!


  1. What a great testimony! I'm glad you realized what was happening and let God have that place of comfort in your life. :-)

  2. Hey girl, I feel as though I can really relate to your testimony. I craved attention more than I did anything when I was younger. I praise God to this day I was home schooled because I was so desperate to be known, to be heard. I would have done stupid things. You see, my dad became an alcoholic when I was 16. In fact the first time he got drunk was on my 16th birthday.. The day when most girls get to feel like princess's I felt alone. The drinking became almost daily. And when I turned 18 he started to abuse me sexually and verbally while he was drunk. I forgive him because now he feels so ashamed of it.. (Even though he still drinks to this day) I still love him and we have great conversations sometimes.. But I know I could have never of forgiven him if Jesus hadn't of replaced "Hurt" with "Love" in my heart. God his my Heavenly Father and I'm so glad I finally know this!